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【放映室】Sherlock Holmes_小記,我的福爾摩斯


Sherlock Holmes_USA_2009

Directed by
Guy Ritchie

Writing credits
Screenplay:Michael Robert Johnson, Anthony Peckham and Simon Kinberg
Screen story:Lionel Wigram and Michael Robert Johnson

(可能是因為阿福的粉絲太多了,所以才要阿里阿雜寫得這麼清楚,方便大家搞清楚要罵誰吧XD)

私評:8.3+1000/10

(因為小裘在劇中比小蘿蔔頭還要帥,帥到讓人完全忘了他的髮線,所以要任性追加1000分XDDD。然後是,因為小裘版的華生太帥了,結果我忘記觀察戲裡的華生有沒有跛腳了...囧rz...而且,對照戲裡小華的身手,他應該也沒有傳說中的肩傷吧編劇大人...)

照慣例因為台灣有上(現在還是院線片喔!大家要記得去看啊啾咪>.^),所以就不寫介紹了。會寫這篇的動機其實滿令人無言的。因為感冒發燒「呆」在家裡,你知道人腦子燒爛了加上閒閒沒事就會變得很糟糕,更別提不知為何我家小銀每次放完【Sherlock Holmes/福爾摩斯】的電影原聲帶後,下一首一定是跳Air樂團《Moon Safari (Special Edition)》裡的〈Sexy Boy〉(←放心放心,當然是配UK版啊XDD),然後我整個週末就這樣糟糕掉了(默)。只能說小銀跟了本小爺六年多,完全把他家主人糟糕的看片本性摸得一清二楚啊(掩面)!

20100111註:

真正的重點是,身為一個毫無想像力的讀者,老實說,要不是小爺的好友A君曾逐字逐句當面一一提點,我從來都未曾察覺任何角色間的羈絆(正色)。對我來說,眼見為憑是我最大的想像力極限,只要作者沒寫,我就不會有任何的非分之想(笑),因為作者沒說就不是咩!也因此,小爺發花癡的對象多屬影音作品。會有這篇紀錄,最主要還是因為看完電影後突然出現的「不可男男」新聞,以及糟糕的日不落影集所致。於是我試著回想,紀錄屬於我的福爾摩斯。

是的,不是柯南‧道爾爵士的,不是一百五十年來所有影視編劇導演的,不是那些寫贗作仿作的作者的,不是你的也不是大家的,而是我的,夏洛克‧福爾摩斯。




1月6日(是的,就是156年前,1854年的今天)是咱家阿福生日(←你跟人家這麼熟嗎客人),雖未能受到福迷一致認同(據聞美國比較盛行此看法),但無論真偽如何,在這邊還是要說一聲Hapyy Birthday!至於為何阿福的生日是1月6日,對這問題感興趣的客人不妨參閱〈Clearing up a mystery: why do we celebrate Jan. 6 as Sherlock Holmes' birthday?〉這篇文章,堅守這日子的人物有美國新聞記者Christopher Morley(1890—1957),他本身因為對阿福非常著迷,於1934年創立了Baker Street Irregulars(貝克街偵緝分隊,簡稱BSI。這個阿福愛好團體有不少著名的成員,如美國推理小說家Frederic Dannay、Rex Stout等等,推理評論家Anthony Boucher、Howard Haycraft等等,或是美國福學研究專家William S. Baring-Gould等等)。選這天背後其實還隱含著重要的宗教關鍵Twelfth Night,感覺把「主顯」套在阿福身上一整個就是很威(1月6日是聖誕節後第12天,為東方三賢士朝拜聖嬰的主顯節,這天也是日劇名偵探古佃任三郎的生日喔XD)。當然也有不少人採用柯南‧道爾爵士創造出阿福的時間點當生日(認為阿福是虛擬人物的粉絲採用〈A Study in Scarlet〉於1987年12月1日初刊於《Beeton》雜誌Christmas Annual特刊的12月1日當作阿福生日),但對某些堅信阿福是真人的粉絲來說,1月6日永遠是正解(笑)。只是不管怎麼算,阿福似乎都落在小爺我覺得很難搞的星座範圍內(爆)。

至於咱家小華就沒這麼幸運了(←不要再裝熟了啊客人),由於大家都高估了他的體重並低估了他的髮線(疑?),雖然美國福學研究者Brad Keefauver〈Birth of a Watson, Birth of a Canon〉這篇文章裡認為1853年3月31日(好吧,其實很多美國福迷都說是4月1日清晨)應當是小華生日,但小爺倒是比較贊同南非出身的英國作家Rafe McGregor的看法:「4月1日愚人節?拜託!」McGregor會在阿媽爽上販賣他的福學研究文章,下面引用的〈A Study in Watson〉便出自於他的手筆。雖然出生月份未能有更為信服的證據和說法,但大家似乎都認同小華是1853年出生,比阿福大一歲左右。

If I’m strict according to Doyle’s Canon, then I’m afraid there’s no mention of Watson’s birthday. I’m not actually a believer in the 6th January for Holmes either, although I know this is generally accepted in the U.S. The connection with Holmes is to do with Twelfth Night, I believe; but April Fool’s for poor old Watson ... we can’t have that!

(中略)

John Hamish Watson was born in 1853, a year before Sherlock Holmes. He inadvertently reveals his middle name when his wife calls him ‘James’ in “The Man with the Twisted Lip”: Mary Morstan was brought up and educated in Edinburgh, and Hamish is the Scottish version of James. Watson was born in England and had at least one sibling, an older brother. He probably went to school in London and we know that either then, or while a student at the University of London, he played rugby for Blackheath Club. At some time in this early period of his life his father died. Watson qualified as a Doctor of Medicine in 1878, aged twenty-five. His studies complete, he was commissioned into the Army Medical Service and trained at Netley in Southampton. He was gazetted as a captain-surgeon in the 5th Northumberland Fusiliers and joined his regiment in India early in 1879. At some time in the next 18 months he volunteered for front-line service and was attached to the 66th Berkshire Regiment, serving in the Second Anglo-Afghan War.

Watson was severely wounded at the Battle of Maiwand, on the 27th July 1880. He describes his wound as being in the shoulder in A Study in Scarlet [1887], and subsequently the leg in The Sign of Four [1890]. The discrepancy suggests that it was in fact the upper leg, probably in the abdominal region--the mention of which would not have been considered respectable in 1887, when A Study in Scarlet was first published. Following the harrowing retreat to Kandahar, Watson was sent to a military hospital in Peshawar, where he contracted enteric fever. His health apparently ruined, he was repatriated, arriving in Portsmouth at the end of the year. By this time his remaining family had emigrated. In The Sign of Four Watson mentions that he has visited three continents. We already know two of these (Europe and Asia) and he reveals the third when he notes that he has been to Ballarat (a mining town in Australia), also suggesting the whereabouts of his family.

On his return to England, Watson initially found lodging in a hotel in the Strand in London. He bought a bulldog puppy for company, but quickly found that he was unable to live on his income of ‘eleven shillings and sixpence a day’. He decided he must either leave London or find cheaper accommodation to solve the problem. A chance meeting with Stamford, a colleague from his student days at St Bartholomew’s Hospital, led to Watson’s introduction to Sherlock Holmes early in 1881. They agreed to share the cost of the rooms at 221B Baker Street, and during Watson’s continued convalescence he became aware that Holmes was engaged in an entirely unique profession, that of consulting detective. Their first collaboration was in A Study in Scarlet, and Watson published eleven other cases in which he was involved before The Sign of Four in 1888 (although he indicates that there are a vast number of unpublished cases for this period).

Source:〈A Study in Watson〉


沒想到還沒開始聊2009年的新電影【Sherlock Holmes】,開頭就自Hi離題離得這麼遙遠了(笑)。老實說,進戲院前我一直以為【Sherlock Holmes】會是娛樂滿點的動作電影,但親自坐上觀眾席後才發現全然不是這麼一回事。【Sherlock Holmes】的娛樂性的確很高,但這部份導演所佔的比例卻明顯偏低,Guy Ritchie的風格大概只佔三成左右。自從2008年的【RocknRolla/搖滾黑幫】再次讓人失望後,我原以為離開娜姐會讓Guy Ritchie雄風大振,但顯而易見的是,十多年前帥氣的【Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels/兩根槍管】【Snatch/偷拐搶騙】已成絕響,真要說娜姐傷了小蓋的心才讓他決心拍一部男男電影?這樣的指控對娜姐來說,倒有些抬愛了(笑)。畢竟Guy Ritchie一向擅長塑造男性角色,這次他只不過是找來化學效應非常好的帥哥擔綱演出,然後讓他們看起來比破表再帥一點罷了(冷靜的專業主播口吻...( ̄ c ̄)y-~...)。

由於劇本涉及宗教(兼統治世界)議題,坦白說【Sherlock Holmes】在故事懸念上顯得頗為乏味,像是在看比較帥氣的Robert Langdon教授回到未來施展拳腳,更別提柯南‧道爾爵士其實不太會選用這類動機。雖然電影最後仿照道爾爵士的寫作習慣,在結尾處一一給了解答,但對一部推理電影來說,這些解答與手法未免過於簡略粗糙。的確,柯南‧道爾爵士筆下的福爾摩斯故事並非篇篇嚴謹(例如〈Silver Blaze〉裡的的錯誤就曾被許多研究者指出道爾其實不懂馬),但福爾摩斯帶給讀者的閱讀樂趣,永遠都是日常生活中離奇的開頭,以及平實卻具備巧思,讓人「啊~」一聲地發現自己漏觀察什麼所以晚一步的遺憾揭露(當然在小說裡,讀者根本不可能搶先一步比阿福提早推理出來,但至少我們有華生陪伴嘛XD)。而【Sherlock Holmes】雖用了一堆爆破、對決與華麗的特效,但劇本本身並未能喚醒小爺往昔閱讀小說的情緒共鳴。希望第二集開拍時,劇本能再精巧些,不要再那麼現代化了。

對小爺而言,【Sherlock Holmes】真正讓人覺得新奇有趣又好看的關鍵,除了令人摒息的時代背景特效外(建至一半的倫敦橋真是帥到爆炸),巧心精細的人物設計與靈動活潑的演員詮釋,絕對讓這部電影如此迷人的鍵元素。除了Lestrade警官和華生各自賞了福爾摩斯一拳令人心情大好之外(笑),編劇巧妙地從兩人感情友誼變化的關鍵點切入,讓筆下的福爾摩斯面臨摯友兼室友即將離去的微妙時刻(兩人於1881年相遇),而華生則得在情人和朋友間做出抉擇(←客人您是想暗指身份而不是真的認真數算人頭吧)。即便到了晚年,道爾爵士終究還是忍不住在少數由福爾摩斯主述的案件裡,讓阿福娓娓道來當年他的失魂與落魄這段關係變化對他的深刻影響。

I find from my notebook that it was in January, 1903, just after the conclusion of the Boer War, that I had my visit from Mr. James M. Dodd, a big, fresh, sunburned, upstanding Briton. The good Watson had at that time deserted me for a wife, the only selfish action which I can recall in our association. I was alone.

〈The Adventure of the Blanched Soldier〉

電影中,阿福因為小華即將搬出去與他在〈The Sign of Four〉中結識並相戀的未婚妻Mary Morstan同住,所以搞自閉在房裡吸毒兼打手槍(這樣玩好大喔...>///<...),這片段便混合了〈The Musgrave Ritual〉與〈The Adventure of the Dying Detective〉裡華生與房東哈德森太太對福爾摩斯的描述。當然啦,從糟糕的角度來看,說不定這其實是編劇想提醒讀者:快回去重讀一次〈The Adventure of the Dying Detective〉吧!小說裡真正的爆點是,阿福居然說出「愛我就跟我走!華生!不管發生什麼事都不要遲疑!」跟小華告白了(誤)!更別提這篇小說裡出現了柯南‧道爾瞎掰的東亞惡疾「black Formosa corruption」,連台灣都出現了,不讀這篇就真的對不起自己了啊!

Suddenly he sat up with a rigid intentness upon his haggard face. "There are the wheels, Watson. Quick, man, if you love me! And don't budge, whatever happens -- whatever happens, do you hear? Don't speak! Don't move! Just listen with all your ears."

〈The Adventure of the Dying Detective〉


不可否認的是,帥氣的Robert Downey Jr.Jude Law分飾的福爾摩斯與華生,在戲裡不僅有著耀眼動人的感情羈絆,犀利歡鬧的冤家鬥嘴更讓人屢屢忍俊不住,一個人在戲院裡呆呆地傻笑起來。更別提亂七八糟的第三波預告片,不僅讓震怒的小華說漏阿福老愛偷穿他內褲的事(是衣服!客人!衣服衣服衣服!英聽差就別亂講),製作團隊還特地透過「那女人」Irene Adler之口,將Flirt字眼大剌剌地搬上檯面,擺明著就是賣萌來著提醒觀眾進戲院時可別忽略演員的演技火花大切磋。不曉得這部份是不是受到仿自福爾摩斯的【House M.D.】大受歡迎所影響(【House M.D.】裡的嘴賤豪斯(Dr. Gregory House)公寓號碼也是221b喔。至於Dorothy L. Sayers(桃樂絲‧榭爾絲)筆下嘴也很利的Lord Peter Wimsey(彼得‧溫西爵爺),人家在倫敦的公寓住址可是110a呢!大概嘴賤言語犀利的角色就跟替身使者一樣,會互相吸引之類吧)?但看看前不久【House M.D.】的製作團隊不停地狂打Dr. James Wilson單膝下跪向House求婚的宣傳影片,更在加拿大報紙刊登「Will you marry me」的廣告(出處),一整個就是玩很大!瑞奇哥哥你要多加點油啊(爆)!

但真要把這麼腐這麼萌這麼有化學效應的角色設計完全歸功於【Sherlock Holmes】編劇們突破性的原創?或許功勞多少得分一點給之前的創作者。舉例來說,前人難道都看不出阿福和小華有多親密嗎(喂XD)?即便是最受推崇的Jeremy Brett版本,小華和阿福不止療傷的時候會有親密的接觸(←那是因為華生在〈The Adventure of the Empty House〉裡重見福爾摩斯太開心所以暈過去,不是運功療傷啊客人),就連上街買菜出門坐車都要手牽手啊啊啊啊!

事實上,Robert Downey Jr.和Jude Law的【Sherlock Holmes】版本完全就是向它偉大的俄羅斯前輩致敬,相似度高達99%(←客人您不要再無断發言了啊啊啊啊拜託您)!不信?看看這個由Васи́лий Бори́сович Лива́новVasily Livanon,1935年7月19日 -,飾演Sherlock Holmes)和Виталий Мефодьевич СоломинVitaly Solomin,1941年12月12日 – 2002年5月27日,飾演Dr. Watson)於1979年至1986年所演出的【Sherlock Holmes】電視電影版本(一共5季11集),保證立馬讓人有一窺俄國版的慾望!
  1. 戴墨鏡的小蘿蔔版阿福很新潮嗎?強化體能的動作版阿福與小華有多先進嗎?俄國版早就洞悉原著精神了!

  2. 挑一名比阿福帥的小華創意度很高嗎?人家俄國版至少還保留日不落國牽手買菜的優良傳統啊(還有掰喀這件事←客人您會不會太在意了XD)!

  3. 在馬車裡玩起「寧可玉碎也不給你咧不給你咧」的低智能閃光背心小遊戲很萌嗎?我親愛的人客啊!趕快搶救你小小的灰色腦細胞吧!輸人不輸陣的粉絲快寫信跟瑞奇哥哥建議第二集的畫面要想盡辦法多加強啊!不要只想靠第三者Professor Moriarty的人選來吸引大家的注意力咩。


雖然上面小爺這麼不正經地嘻嘻笑笑,但我也得承認,俄羅斯版的阿福穿起獵裝戴起獵鹿帽,其實還滿像Sidney Paget筆下的福爾摩斯。而且說真的,Sidney Paget也沒把華生畫得很胖啊!

筆走至此,就連小爺自己都驚覺這篇已經走至覆水難收的糟糕地步(掩面),握有福爾摩斯原著美國版權的Andrea Plunket更恨不得跳出來力陳「想男男?續集難!」的看法(笑)!這段插曲之所以會發生,最主要的關鍵還是在於人來瘋的Robert Downey Jr.在宣傳時一時失言說出真心話

However, the US copyright holder, Andrea, Plunkett, has threatened to withdraw permission for a sequel if Holmes and Watson become gayer. She told Total Film: “I hope this is just an example of Mr Downey's black sense of humour. It would be drastic, but I would withdraw permission for more films to be made if they feel that is a theme they wish to bring out in the future. "I am not hostile to homosexuals, but I am to anyone who is not true to the spirit of the books.”



為了宣傳【Sherlock Holmes】,Robert Downey Jr.依行銷安排坐上美國CBS電視台著名深夜脫口秀節目【Late Show with David Letterman】的來賓沙發,笑鬧間David Letterman有意無意地(←根本就是故意的啦一定是這樣XD)向RDJ詢問「Now, uh, if- from what I recall, there was always the suggestion of "a different level of relationship" between Sherlock and Dr. Watson.」(←無腦翻譯:「敢問蘿蔔君,聽說阿福和小華有奸情是吧?」)而RDJ則口直心快地回說:「They were homos ... That's what you're saying.」當場讓所有人心中響起M$著名的登楞音樂,當機30秒(笑)。而Letterman的回答也很妙:「In a manner of speaking, yes ... that they were closer than just out solving crimes.」雖然Letterman之後試圖以電影中會出現未婚妻一事緩頰,但頑皮的RDJ硬是趁勝補刀,連未婚妻都可以是一杯啤酒這種事都說出來了(這...這就是傳說中的男同酒後亂性的意思嗎←客人我求你不要再亂扯了啊啊啊啊)!事後這段訪問不僅讓華納高層震怒,也引來Andrea Plunket滿腔怒火。然而,令人疑惑的是,一般書籍的版權不都是作者死後50年就到期了嗎?這樣的話,「握有版權」又是什麼意思呢?

於是我們不禁要問,阿福和小華真的是友達以上的關係嗎?即便阿福和小華真是一對戀人,那又對原著有何影響呢?會為讀者帶來不一樣的解讀甚至曲解故事的精神嗎?

對於這樣的疑問,小爺衷心地覺得,下面這段出自1995年英劇【The Thin Blue Line】第一季第一集【The Queen's Birthday Present】裡的討論,清楚地切分出兩類讀者的想法。感不感受得到阿福和小華兩人間的「羈絆」是一回事,但何以有人堅持「絕對不是,縱使是也不行」?卻有人則開放歡樂地引經據典,直指兩人「不單純」?對小爺來說,柯南‧道爾爵士的寫作年代,加上他想凸顯的理性邏輯思維,自然讓他將焦點集中在故事的鋪陳,以及偵探與讀者角色(華生)的互動上,尤其當時以短篇形式刊載,根本不允許道爾爵士花過多的篇幅深入鋪陳描繪人物間的情感波折,也因此,大家才得以見著S. S. Van Dine於1928年發表於《American Magazine》上著名但現在看來已然過時的〈Twenty rules for writing detective stories〉裡,赫然出現「不可以放閃光喔」的寫作規則。然而,談戀愛與引入犯罪及正義制裁,在推理小說中真這麼水火不容嗎?因此,即便小爺不認為福爾摩斯與華生兩人是戀人屬性,卻也不介意讀者用新穎角度詮釋的關鍵。仔細想想,要在字句間鑽研出腐道樂趣,所花費的研究功夫可非平常人可比擬,這樣不也是一種推廣經典的新時代手腕?

3. There must be no love interest. The business in hand is to bring a criminal to the bar of justice, not to bring a lovelorn couple to the hymeneal altar.


在【The Queen's Birthday Present】這集裡,由於巡官Inspector Fowler過於熱情展現他為下週女王生日所準備的禮物,卻完全忘了當天是他與巡佐Sergeant Dawkins的十週年紀念日。於是吃醋的Dawkins跑來找男友Fowler對質,並揭露他年紀一大把還在看W. E. Johns.所著之歷險小說《Biggles》這檔事(右圖出處,這系列主要的設定為右圖左下之小帥哥Ginger Hebblethwaite因為愛的吸引力不知名的原因一直回到一戰和二戰期間,以年輕無懼的勇氣和右圖左上之James Bigglesworth並肩作戰。對這部一二戰科幻系列感興趣的話,可以看看電影版的預告片)。偷聽到這段對話的基層員警W.P.C . Habib立馬展現腐女專業的素養,一針見血地指出Biggles + Ginger 和 Holmes + Watson的相似之處,非常好笑!想直接看重點的客人,請快轉到1分鐘以後。對話的部分小爺盡量按照原劇本一句一句翻,盡可能保留對話的味道(但我想大家應該都很清楚小爺的英語和中文都不好,就閉一隻眼多擔待些吧。但有錯要跟我說喔)。至於對話後方的括號糟糕版,則是某人糟糕的內心解讀OS,真的是因為發燒的關係所以出現幻象(爆),大家一定要相信我啊!


Fowler:
即便是《Biggles》,都蘊含著真理。關於忠誠、勇氣、榮譽...

Habib:
和同志情。

Fowler:
沒錯。

Fowler:
你剛說什麼?(豆豆先生回神大驚)

Habib:
拜託!你沒聽錯,長官。Biggles和Ginger是戀人。瞎子都看得出來。

Habib:
我好喜歡作者以這種方式,向讀者傳達正面而美好的同志伴侶情誼。

Fowler:
Biggles和Ginger,是同袍!Habib女警。
(Biggles和Ginger,是「同志」!Habib女警。)

(↑Comrades常見於共產國家稱呼理想一致的革命伙伴,或是戰時軍中同袍,所以我就理所當然地(爆)用同志這樣的字眼啦哈哈哈哈)

Fowler:
戰場上的夥伴!
(手挽手的同志!)

(↑這個in arm我實在是沒有勇氣翻成俄國版的樣子對不起嗚嗚嗚。好啦,其實Comrades in arm也是原系列小說的書名之一)

Habib:
沒錯!

Fowler:
我真是太震驚了!Habib女警。完全目瞪口呆而且痛心疾首!你居然選用這麼粗俗的關連性,以及孩子氣的性影射,對待如此純潔無暇的歷險故事!

Habib:
拜託!長官,他們都是成年人了,一定有性生活。但兩人卻從未提及任何女性?

Habib:
他倆睡在一起,共進早餐,
(他倆一上一下睡在一起,醒來一起在床上吃早餐)

(↑Bunk可以指上下舖的架式床鋪,這個跟體位有關梗在同志聖誕節電影【Make the Yuletide Gay】裡也玩過,看來大家都好糟糕喔XDD)

Habib:
Biggles總是愛擠進Ginger的...

Kray + Habib:
- 駕駛艙 (小穴)
- 螺旋槳雙翼機「飛天神駝」

(↑Kevin Allen飾演的角色基層警探D.C. Kray在這裡插了一句神來之筆(爆)。Cockpit字面上是駕駛艙的意思,但也可以指「陰道」。男人當然不會有陰道啦,所以他其實是開了一個很糟糕的黃腔,意指隱藏在男士翹臀間那又小又緊、通往極樂天國的通道XD。奇怪我自己幹嘛害羞起來說得這麼委婉XDDD)

Habib:
那麼明顯,就跟福爾摩斯與華生一模一樣。

(天啊我一定要盛讚豆豆先生的表情,真是太太太太經典了!)

Habib:
兩個小伙子共租一間公寓,有時好幾個月都沒接任何案件,這期間他們還能幹嘛呢?
(這期間兩人勃起還能幹嘛呢?)

(↑我承認因為英文太差所以只看到Get UP這字眼)

Fowler:
他們會聊天!
(他們會調情!)

(↑Chat加上up就可以變成搭訕、調情的意思,跟上面就呼應了耶。好啦我想太多)

Fowler:
他們會一起抽煙斗!
(他們會吹蕭!)

(↑呃,pipe也可以是管狀物嘛...)

Fowler:
他們會在火爐前休憩!
(他們會用乾柴擦烈火!)

(↑這裡就真的不是小爺亂翻了XD。原句是They poke the fire,撥啥火用啥撥因為太令人害羞了,害得人家不敢直翻所以只好翻成在火爐前QK咩~疑?我好像又糟糕掉了?)

Habib:
拜託,長官。即便福爾摩斯和華生是愛侶,那又如何?難道這有什麼錯嗎?

Fowler:
當然,員警,當然有。

Fowler:
因為「性」在這些故事裡一點關係也沒有,遑論他們是異性戀或什麼鬼的都一樣!

Fowler:
Biggles和夏洛克‧福爾摩斯兩個人,真正的工作是打擊犯罪和擊退德國佬!

Fowler:
上天可鑑!這樣對男人來說就已經足夠了!


讀到這裡還醒著而且心臟依舊頑張強健跳動著的客人,請繫緊您椅子上的安全帶,或是想辦法用腳指抓緊地面吧!如果您不幸被專業腐女Habib給說服了,開始疑心起阿福與小華在沒接到案件的時候都在幹嘛?或是不屑地認為這些隱喻影射太過於腦內私人,而且需要具備過多的想像力才能補完,放心放心,身為男演員一定得演出同志相關影視才能證明演技的日不落國,要看更勁爆的?當然有!下面這段出自BBC電視台2007年影集【Peter Serafinowicz Show】的片段〈Sherlock Holmes's Mood Swings〉,馬上告訴你,究~竟阿福與小華解決完一件棘手的案件後都在幹嘛,糟糕的程度可是國家電視台掛保證的喔(爆)!挺得住的話,用力給它按下去吧!

當然認真魔人與正義魔人會跳出來提醒你:「先生!這都是後人隨意揣測編譯的版本詮釋,原.著.根.本.就.不.是.這.樣!」關於這樣的指控,小爺真心的覺得,認真讀一次原文吧!網路上隨手拜一下估狗大神就有免費的全文電子檔,看一次你就知道,即便到現在依舊堅持小福與阿華與死黨鐵哥們的小爺,還是可以輕易地在腦內搜尋出一堆有趣的實例,讓兩人匪淺的友誼閃耀出光芒來。

舉例來說,小福與阿華在原著裡其實是非常喜歡散步的。可你會說,散步這項傳統在英式小說裡很常見啊!間諜小說大師John le Carré筆下的George Smiley就特愛散步,想事情的時候會散步、討論案情的時候也會散步,交換情報更屢屢是透過散步完成不是嗎?但說真的兩名死黨一起外出散步兩、三個小時就算了,還一路無語賞葉品秋?這這這會不會有點太浪漫了些?

I was weary of our little sitting-room and gladly acquiesced. For three hours we strolled about together, watching the ever-changing kaleidoscope of life as it ebbs and flows through Fleet Street and the Strand.

〈The Resident Patient〉

One day in early spring he had so far relaxed as to go for a walk with me in the Park, where the first faint shoots of green were breaking out upon the elms, and the sticky spear-heads of the chestnuts were just beginning to burst into their five-fold leaves. For two hours we rambled about together, in silence for the most part, as befits two men who know each other intimately. It was nearly five before we were back in Baker Street once more.

〈The Yellow Face〉


又或者,提及福爾摩斯與華生「堅白友誼」時,除了華生經常被引述的「阿福花在公寓的豐渥租金,早就足以賣下這棟公寓了」引人疑竇(阿福為何跟小華說他需要室友分擔租金,寧租不買呢?壞~~~);當小華在瑪麗去世後孤獨一人守著鰥夫回憶,為了贏回小華的心讓摯友走出傷痛,阿福硬是塞錢給剛畢業的遠親,以超過市價的銀兩分文未殺豪腕買下小華位於肯辛頓的小診所,當華生晚年自曝這段堅貞友誼時,不知有多少腐男腐女雙眼盈滿動感的眼淚。

At the time of which I speak, Holmes had been back for some months, and I at his request had sold my practice and returned to share the old quarters in Baker Street. A young doctor, named Verner, had purchased my small Kensington practice, and given with astonishingly little demur the highest price that I ventured to ask--an incident which only explained itself some years later, when I found that Verner was a distant relation of Holmes, and that it was my friend who had really found the money.

〈The Adventure of the Norwood Builder〉


但小爺我也得承認,即便這般見縫插針的解讀為經典再次帶來了有趣的解讀之樂,但開開福爾摩斯與華生友誼的小玩笑是一回事,真要暗指兩人的性傾向?對小爺來說又是一回事了。雖然小華和阿福兩人不止一次提及他們特愛Turkish bath(印象中出現在〈The Adventure of the illustrious client〉和〈The Disappearance of Lady Frances Carfax〉這兩篇出現過),但但但,看過1997年的【Hamam/男慾天堂】後,你會發現Hamam可是神聖的地方,千萬不可因當時洗土耳其浴是純男純女,還得讓同性師傅摸來推去就有了不聖潔的聯想啊!雖然...小爺到現在還是有點疑惑,為什麼一直不願去鄉下療傷的阿福,聽到莊園主人單身(可食)而且不介意客人自由行動(可得)的時候,一口氣就爽朗答應了?而小華也很扯地在收到校園初戀Percy Phelps寄來的求救信後,明明信裡充斥著「我知道你跟那個姓福的好得很!那幫我求他來一下嘛」的以退為進利用,小華到底是哪隻眼看到啥鬼所以大受感動?所以說啦!男人的初戀永遠都是最美的啦!這種劇情看過【東京ラブスト-リ/東京愛情故事】的人一定不會反對里美那賤女人其實並沒有丸治那麼討人厭(←疑我又罵她了嗎)。

My old friend, Colonel Hayter, who had come under my professional care in Afghanistan, had now taken a house near Reigate in Surrey, and had frequently asked me to come down to him upon a visit. On the last occasion he had remarked that if my friend would only come with me he would be glad to extend his hospitality to him also. A little diplomacy was needed, but when Holmes understood that the establishmentwas a bachelor one, and that he would be allowed the fullest freedom, he fell in with my plans and a week after our return from Lyons we were under the Colonel's roof.

〈The Reigate Puzzle〉

Briarbrae, Woking. My dear Watson,--I have no doubt that you can remember "Tadpole" Phelps, who was in the fifth form when you were in the third. It is possible even that you may have heard that through my uncle's influence I obtained a good appointment at the Foreign Office, and that I was in a situation of trust and honor until a horrible misfortune came suddenly to blast my career.
(信略)

There was something that touched me as I read this letter, something pitiable in the reiterated appeals to bring Holmes. So moved was I that even had it been a difficult matter I should have tried it, but of course I knew well that Holmes loved his art, so that he was ever as ready to bring his aid as his client could be to receive it. My wife agreed with me that not a moment should be lost in laying the matter before him, and so within an hour of breakfast-time I found myself back once more in the old rooms in Baker Street.

〈The Naval Treaty〉


更別提經常被提及的,關於阿福在小華剛嫁出去幾個月後(疑),居然選在深夜23:45,跑到小華家要求一起睡借宿一晚,順便提及正經事,希望小華明早能一起陪他至Aldershot當案件解決時的公平見證者這麼...唐突的邀請(天啊要找到適合的形容詞真難)。雖然見證者可以請當地的牧師擔任,想傳話邀約阿福也可以派遣偵緝隊貝克街分隊的小朋友幫忙跑跑腿,相信小華不會介意才是。但精明的阿福真會為愛沖昏頭真這麼不會算嗎?

由於阿福與小華外辦案時,經常從Waterloo Station(滑鐵盧車站)出發,又因〈The Stock-broker's Clerk〉裡則提及小華婚後搬到Paddington district(帕丁頓區)。假設小華家住在Paddington Station好了(帕丁頓車站?客人!小華不是Paddington Bear啊啊啊啊),那麼,分別從滑鐵盧車站(A地點)到貝克街(B地點)和帕丁頓車站(C地點),開車的話(大家都是紳士嘛),以現代的路況來算,哪個比較遠呢?公正的孤狗大神告訴我們,兩條路線所需的時間是差不多的(開車都是17-19分鐘,走路都是80分鐘左右)。所以,阿福在半夜趁瑪麗睡著了差一刻零時才跑去敲小華的門要求一起睡,其實是為了節能省碳減車資,還可以提供新素材讓華生有機會發表以補貼婚後暴增的家用,先進環保又貼心啊人客您看看!所以不要再用這段暗指阿福為愛癡狂了,OK(笑)?事實上真正要譴責的,可是號稱幫全台灣「有點年紀」的福爾摩斯粉絲啟萌展開新世界的(注音)東方版。在這版本裡,明明阿福就是穿戴整齊地站在小華床邊端詳他甜美的睡顏,居然被改寫成「朦朧中,發覺有人摸著我腦袋,我睜眼一看原來是福爾摩斯」?摸...摸頭的那隻手到底是從哪裡來的啊啊啊啊(指)!不過我要說,室友間可是感情得好到一定程度,才會睡覺也不關門呢(←客人我給你跪拜託你不要再來了可以嗎...Orz)!更別提福爾摩斯也不止一次進華生的房間,在〈The Adventure of the Abbey Grange〉裡,小華就沒穿衣服被阿福催促著快穿衣服準備出門咧(但這次就真的有摸頭搖肩膀了呦...<( ̄︶ ̄)>...)。

It was early in April in the year '83 that I woke one morning to find Sherlock Holmes standing, fully dressed, by the side of my bed. He was a late riser, as a rule, and as the clock on the mantelpiece showed me that it was only a quarter-past seven, I blinked up at him in some surprise, and perhaps just a little resentment, for I was myself regular in my habits.

〈The Adventure of the Speckled Band〉

It was on a bitterly cold and frosty morning, towards the end of the winter of '97, that I was awakened by a tugging at my shoulder. It was Holmes. The candle in his hand shone upon his eager, stooping face, and told me at a glance that something was amiss.

"Come, Watson, come!" he cried. "The game is afoot. Not a word! Into your clothes and come!"

〈The Adventure of the Abbey Grange〉


好啦,繞了這麼一大圈,玩也玩夠了。老實說,即便上面嘻嘻哈哈列出這一堆糟糕物,腐爾萌斯也好,撫耳摸私也罷,真要正經問我:「Do you think Holmes and Watson were having a "different level of relationship" beyond solving crimes?」,我還是覺得原著裡的福爾摩斯與華生真的就只是好朋友而已,沒有任何性吸引或性關係。但刻意呼喚記憶裡當年被好友A君洗腦的一些印記,依循線索再次重讀這幾篇原著(我沒有把五十六則短篇短和四部長篇小說全部重讀,搜蕊),倒又讓人憶起小時候欲罷不能的美好閱讀經驗。有機會的話,按照「小說事件發生時序」重讀一輪Sherlock Holmes,聽來好像挺不賴的!

對小爺來說,即便真有人證實了福爾摩斯和華生是同志,也不會改變我對這些故事的喜愛。更別提那些曾經放話的讀者——著名的美國偵探小說家Rex Stout(雷克斯.史陶特,其筆下最著名的偵探為安樂椅神探尼洛.伍爾夫)就曾以〈Watson was a Woman?〉寫了一篇「詼諧的考證」,從〈The Adventure of the Empty House〉裡小華因阿福從陰間回來找他而高興到暈了過去(笑),輔以其他證據斷言華生是女生;或是最近剛出版犀利逗趣、充滿英式幽默推理小說《The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie/餡餅的秘密》的作者C. Alan Bradley,就曾於《Ms. Holmes of Baker Street》裡和共同著作的福迷Dr. William A.S. Sarjeant舉證歷歷地說明何以福爾摩斯是女兒身——幾乎都是真心喜愛而且下足功夫考據的愛好者。或許,下次的改編可以設定成阿福和小華是女同志,反正上面的說法都有人提過,搞不好也可以玩出一番樂趣來也說不定呢!

等等,可是福迷研究者Brad Keefauver在〈Counting Watson's Wives〉裡掐指一算,直指華生有過六個女人耶!這...這樣小華得找比阿福更美的演員來演,而且還得更花心些(想想阿福就變成痴心的女孩兒了,也滿有趣的XD),那該找誰配啊(認真貌)?



PS.
因為中毒太深,所以偷做了三款桌布。效果普普,感興趣的客人歡迎加減拿去配。
MegaUpload載點,三款六張共3.6M。規格為1024x7681366x768。至於為何是這樣的尺寸,啊當然是因為小爺使用的電腦就這兩種規格咩←喂XDD)




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Comments

  1. 看完這所謂的「小記」之後,真只有「瞠目結舌」四個字可以形容一個完全不認識阿福與小華兩口子的陌生人的不思議的表情!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. 噗!幹嘛這樣!XDDD

    會把這篇丟出來還不是因為你在撲浪上問我為啥阿福的中文藝名會叫「福爾摩斯」?回答完後我突然想到,我還真沒看過林紓的福州話版本,所以就跑去找來看啦!結果因為需要比對原文(他的譯名有時候譯得很難猜出原篇名是啥,像是《A study in scarlet》他翻成《歇洛克奇案開場》,或是《The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes》他翻成《華生包探案》,這鬼才看得出來XDDD),所以後半段就這樣莫名其妙生出來了(爆)。

    不過,真對阿福有研究的人來看,這篇真的只是隨手小記而已,複製貼上兩兩啦XDDD。倒是這片宇宙超級無敵霹靂腐的,DVD出來記得租回來看喔~

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  3. 寫得可真詳細呀!

    ReplyDelete
  4. 果然能人一出手就是不一樣
    這麼落落長居然說是小記 XD

    但寫得真是精采

    ReplyDelete

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